lost.

i'm feeling so lost nowadays

i really don't know whats happening lately.

i feel like im seeing the world through someone elses eyes

drifting through each mundane day as though it was yeterday.

watching a movie.

i don't know how to read people anymore.

i don't know how to react anymore.

i only know the difference between good and bad.

and then again my good and bad doesn't seem to tally with the rest of the world.

why does the world seem so angry when i try to do good.

why do i feel like i'm losing sense of everything.

i just don't know anymore sometimes.

sometimes i suspect im living in a 'truman show'

where my whole life is a big movie watched on tv in the "real world"

where everyone around me are highly trained actors.

and the "whole world" as i know it is in on it.

and the only one oblivious to everything.

is me.

im ranting i know.

but then again.

am i?

what if one day i found out that everyone i thought i knew.

were just actors.

and were being paid huge salaries to pretend to be my friend.

to be my parents.

to be my siblings.

and everything that goes on around me is all written out on a script somewhere.

backstage.

i don't know whats happening anymore.

nothing to say.

i feel like blogging but i really don't know what to say.

im just quite annoyed and irratable and pissed off at the moment.

i think its collective.

perfection?

There is in all things a pattern that is part of our universe.

It has symmetry, elegance, and grace-those qualities you find always in that which the artist captures.

You can find it in the turning of the seasons,

in the way sand trails along a ridge,

in the branch clusters of the creosote bush or the pattern of its leaves.

We try to copy these patterns in our lives and our society,

seeking the rythms, the dances, the forms that comfort.

Yet, it is possible to see peril in the finding of ultimate perfection.

It is clear that the ultimate pattern contains its own fixity.

In such perfection, all things move toward

Death.

the weather.

i feel like there's this dark cloud hanging over my head.

i'm still waiting for the lightning to strike.

im okay..for now.