the look in your eyes.

i can't look into your eyes anymore.
it's not that i don't want to look at you anymore.
it's just that every time i look back into your eyes
memories breach the flood gates
and tears threaten to make a scene.

i think of all the times when i would gaze into those eyes
during a time when the distance between us was not so vast.
i think of how i'd sneak around at night just to call you
and how you'd fall asleep in mid sentence.

i think of all the pain i caused you
all the lies i told you
and how you always deserved so much more than me
but how you always thought i deserved better. nonsense.

every now and then i return to our hill
where we used to sit and talk for hours on end
till the sun had set and the dogs had all gone home
and my mum began calling to find out where i was

every 14th i still think of all the things we used to do
how on one cold morning we sat on the curb with coffee and ants
or the concise timing between the maid and the tuition teacher.
i wonder if you still remember what i remember ..

yeah all that does go through my head in that one split second that our gaze meets.
it sears like a hot coal on cold flesh.
it jolts the memory bank like a branding iron.

i dont know what happened.
it's as if i got hit by a huge wave,
and now im just floating in the aftermath in a complete daze
waiting for someone to come and save me.

i miss you.

a hell lot.

and that's why i can't look into your eyes anymore.