do you still feel ?

Why is this feeling so familiar ?

This feeling of waiting for nothing.

What is it that compels one to commit the same mistakes over and over again ?
Human nature completely goes against the saying of "once bitten, twice shy ?"

many people who survive sports accidents,
get right back at it once they've recovered.

people who have been hurt and scarred in love,
often jump right back into it.

it's as if the possibility of things going terribly wrong,
only heightens your desire to delve right into it.

I suppose humans aren't as smart we like to pretend we are..

At least this has proven that i can still feel...

That i can still feel a lot.

fame.

fame.
popularity.
screaming fans.

what is it about fame?
that has the power to alter our character..
and leave people helplessly pondering at the pool of popularity.

none can deny that somewhere in us,
we all share that lust for fame,
to be recognized,
to be known.
so much so that many go the wrong way just to be infamous..

how do people like fergie go from singing songs like
Where Is The Love? to songs like
London Bridge, or My Humps?

how do people like Michael Jackson go from singing songs like
Heal The World or Man In The Mirror, to being convicted of molesting young kids.

what is it that turns people so drastically?

it really gets you thinking huh..

saturday morning rain is falling.

i plucked up the courage and did a ride with team absolut this morning.
somewhere along monkey trail i remember thinking to myself "damn these guys go alot faster than AAA"
as with each time i ride with them, i was humbled by t@
but to add insult to injury,
God decided we needed a bath..
water pelt down fiercely and dislodged my left lens, leaving me half blind..
it was awesome.

cos the thing about long rides is that you don't just take a physical beating.
somewhere between the burning quadriceps,
in a void between the crisp clicking of gear changes and
the temporary lull before sprinting uphill..

your mind begins to dissect itself.
while your physical body is lapping up the relief from work and stress,

your mind is free to wander where it likes..
it is free to journey back in time,
to possibilities in the future,
or to just stand completely still and survey it's surroundings.
i started finding myself reminiscing about the years gone by,
the ups and the downs,
the fasts and the slows,
the hurt and the love..
the past and now.

no.. sometimes after these long rides,
you find that it's your mind that takes a worst thrashing than your legs.

We rode past bus stops crammed with people
trying to escape the downpour,
and each of them regarded us with looks of amazement as we rode past.

i'm certain we weren't a pretty sight,
soaked to the bone,
panting and heaving like a pack of overweight dogs..

but as we rode by, i could nearly hear their thoughts,
"bunch of no-brainers trying to get themselves killed!?"

many people have asked why we put ourselves through such torture week after week.
waking up in the wee hours of the morning,
riding till we can barely walk,
occasionally exhausted to the point of unconsciousness..

it's because it keeps us alive.
it keeps us feeling.
it keeps us from falling into the clutches of repetitive continuity.
when you're out there on the road,
miles and miles away from home,
and with the rain slamming itself against your face,

it feels like nothing in the world matters..
and you learn to feel grateful that you're simply alive.

damn do i love playing in the rain.

help.

there are very few things in life that really push me over the edge.
that succeed in driving me to my breaking point,
to the point where screaming just doesn't help anymore.

maybe it's the build up of stress,
maybe it's the onset of a $21,000 exam,
maybe it's the lack of sleep,
maybe it's the immense pressure to perform,
maybe it's when your confidence level just isn't breaking light speed
and your parents don't seem like they believe you can do it.
maybe it's simply the lack of somewhere to take off my burdens and hurt..

But all i know is that when i get pushed over that edge,
when i just can't hold my nose above the water anymore
it takes me so long to get back to the surface.

I can feel the rhythmic thud as my blood pounds in my ears.
my hands are quivering in exertion.
my mind is screaming for rest.

It feels like my wake boarding accident all over again.
i'm screaming for help, but nobody hears.

Maybe this really just is the stress getting to me.

help.




i'm sorry i just really can't be bothered to make words rhyme right now.

temporal bliss.

gravel and white lines blurred past below,
the wind violently tore and caught in every unlucky crease.

his legs begged for mercy,
screamed in agony.
but still he burned on.
the lust for speed was greater than the pain,
and adrenaline coursed through his veins as he danced with death.

all that could be heard was the calming whir of wheels,
softly serenaded by the morning chirps of waking fowl.

the sun broke free of the damp, sluggish clouds,
gently warming his numb hands.

it was a moment of rare inexplicable euphoria,
a feeling that could only be refined from pure passion.
he was in a place where worry and pain
fell away like droplets on a lily.

no, this was where nothing could harm him.


except maybe road rash.