the innocence of a child.

haven't you always looked forward to your birthday?
i know i have.. counting down the weeks, days and hours before that fateful day.

somehow i've always been so eager to grow up.
i remember how as a child i used to be so excited when my shoe size got bigger,
because it meant that i was getting older. comparing my shoe size to my elder brother's to see how many more inches i had to go. (occasionally wearing shoes that were too big for me)
and nothing much changes as we grow older. i'm looking forward to the day i can drive, a sense of independence, not needing to listen to mummy or daddy anymore..

and now as i'm sitting here in my room thinking, the truth is that i actually am much older.
constantly with something serious at hand, deadlines for homework, parties to attend, political battles to avoid, lunch appointments to keep etc..

but then i look at the children playing on the street outside my window, and i remember how it all used to be.. how the most serious thing i could question was why dad always made me nap in the afternoons after lunch !
i remember how i played with shadows on the wall with the torchlight i'd take out from under my bed after i was "asleep".
how i used to sneak out of my bed at night to sleep in my parents room or how i used to hate taking showers cos they only served to waste precious time that could be spent fortifying my lego castle. i remember going through the phase when i felt embarrassed that there was lion king on my bookshelf when my friends came over, and so i filled my bookshelf with these complex sounding books that i really had no clue was about.

now i'm sitting here, and marveling at the loss of childhood innocence, and the wonder of how happy and contented i used to be with everything, with life in general.

without the need to care much for 1500 word history essays due the next day, whether my hair was sitting just right or other vapid stuff like that.

has it been that in my rush to grow up, that i neglected, and threw away precious childhood experiences like an old toy. now i wish i hadn't been so eager to grow up so fast.


oh the innocence of a child.