echoes of silence echoed silently
hungry yet corpulent,
they scratched and stared,
as giants of their time fell righteously.
dead even before their hearts were on par,
and yet alive more than they far.
where their bodies rested,
sprung up flowers and life from dead cold soil.
such was their fertility in this cold dead world.
but alas, we have murdered and slain them
with spears and economics,
for their tears and arcane mavericks.
even in death did they love,
with the hope that perhaps one day,
the echoes of silence may not echo so silently.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Thursday, December 06, 2007
bye bye metal eyebrow.
at 11:30 pm on the 6th of December of the year 2007
i took out my eyebrow piercing.
this is pretty symbolic for me i guess..
so i decided to blog about it.
not that i think piercings make someone a rebel or anything and all that stuff..
but that little bit of metal was symbolic of one of the darkest times in my life to date.
a time when my life was down and in the dumps.
a time when i was walking far from the light,
and dancing with death and delusions.
i'm done with all of that now.
it's time to start living again.
hi guys.
i took out my eyebrow piercing.
this is pretty symbolic for me i guess..
so i decided to blog about it.
not that i think piercings make someone a rebel or anything and all that stuff..
but that little bit of metal was symbolic of one of the darkest times in my life to date.
a time when my life was down and in the dumps.
a time when i was walking far from the light,
and dancing with death and delusions.
i'm done with all of that now.
it's time to start living again.
hi guys.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
a tribute to those who have hurt before.. and haven't stopped hurting since.
this is a tribute to those of you out there, who have been hurt.
to those of you who haven't quite recovered yet.
but mostly to those of you who put on a brave front, but cry silently when the curtains close.
do you ever really recover after you break up with the "girl/guy of your dreams" ?
or do you just hurt silently, moping along until you find another "girl/guy of your dreams" ?
are you ever the same person again, after that first time you experience your heart being ripped to shreds ?
i watch my friends, classmates, schoolmates, peers.
and i notice how seamlessly they seem to be able to pick themselves up, and get on with life.
maybe it isn't as seamless as it seems,
maybe a bit of them dies after every break up..
maybe we'll never love the same as we first did.
we always say love is blind.
but for us who have been there, who have seen and felt all to clearly the truest, purest meaning of love know that that isn't true.
infatuation is blind,
love is when you start seeing all the flaws
and all you want is for him/her to be a better person.
don't stop feeling.
ever.
because that moment when you stop feeling hurt when you should..
it means you've finally murdered your heart..
God, teach me to love again.
don't ever let me stop feeling.
to those of you who haven't quite recovered yet.
but mostly to those of you who put on a brave front, but cry silently when the curtains close.
do you ever really recover after you break up with the "girl/guy of your dreams" ?
or do you just hurt silently, moping along until you find another "girl/guy of your dreams" ?
are you ever the same person again, after that first time you experience your heart being ripped to shreds ?
i watch my friends, classmates, schoolmates, peers.
and i notice how seamlessly they seem to be able to pick themselves up, and get on with life.
maybe it isn't as seamless as it seems,
maybe a bit of them dies after every break up..
maybe we'll never love the same as we first did.
we always say love is blind.
but for us who have been there, who have seen and felt all to clearly the truest, purest meaning of love know that that isn't true.
infatuation is blind,
love is when you start seeing all the flaws
and all you want is for him/her to be a better person.
don't stop feeling.
ever.
because that moment when you stop feeling hurt when you should..
it means you've finally murdered your heart..
God, teach me to love again.
don't ever let me stop feeling.
Monday, October 29, 2007
do you still feel ?
Why is this feeling so familiar ?
This feeling of waiting for nothing.
What is it that compels one to commit the same mistakes over and over again ?
Human nature completely goes against the saying of "once bitten, twice shy ?"
many people who survive sports accidents,
get right back at it once they've recovered.
people who have been hurt and scarred in love,
often jump right back into it.
it's as if the possibility of things going terribly wrong,
only heightens your desire to delve right into it.
I suppose humans aren't as smart we like to pretend we are..
At least this has proven that i can still feel...
That i can still feel a lot.
This feeling of waiting for nothing.
What is it that compels one to commit the same mistakes over and over again ?
Human nature completely goes against the saying of "once bitten, twice shy ?"
many people who survive sports accidents,
get right back at it once they've recovered.
people who have been hurt and scarred in love,
often jump right back into it.
it's as if the possibility of things going terribly wrong,
only heightens your desire to delve right into it.
I suppose humans aren't as smart we like to pretend we are..
At least this has proven that i can still feel...
That i can still feel a lot.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
fame.
fame.
popularity.
screaming fans.
what is it about fame?
that has the power to alter our character..
and leave people helplessly pondering at the pool of popularity.
none can deny that somewhere in us,
we all share that lust for fame,
to be recognized,
to be known.
so much so that many go the wrong way just to be infamous..
how do people like fergie go from singing songs like
Where Is The Love? to songs like
London Bridge, or My Humps?
how do people like Michael Jackson go from singing songs like
Heal The World or Man In The Mirror, to being convicted of molesting young kids.
what is it that turns people so drastically?
it really gets you thinking huh..
popularity.
screaming fans.
what is it about fame?
that has the power to alter our character..
and leave people helplessly pondering at the pool of popularity.
none can deny that somewhere in us,
we all share that lust for fame,
to be recognized,
to be known.
so much so that many go the wrong way just to be infamous..
how do people like fergie go from singing songs like
Where Is The Love? to songs like
London Bridge, or My Humps?
how do people like Michael Jackson go from singing songs like
Heal The World or Man In The Mirror, to being convicted of molesting young kids.
what is it that turns people so drastically?
it really gets you thinking huh..
Saturday, October 20, 2007
saturday morning rain is falling.
i plucked up the courage and did a ride with team absolut this morning.
somewhere along monkey trail i remember thinking to myself "damn these guys go alot faster than AAA"
as with each time i ride with them, i was humbled by t@
but to add insult to injury,
God decided we needed a bath..
water pelt down fiercely and dislodged my left lens, leaving me half blind..
it was awesome.
cos the thing about long rides is that you don't just take a physical beating.
somewhere between the burning quadriceps,
in a void between the crisp clicking of gear changes and
the temporary lull before sprinting uphill..
your mind begins to dissect itself.
while your physical body is lapping up the relief from work and stress,
your mind is free to wander where it likes..
it is free to journey back in time,
to possibilities in the future,
or to just stand completely still and survey it's surroundings.
i started finding myself reminiscing about the years gone by,
the ups and the downs,
the fasts and the slows,
the hurt and the love..
the past and now.
no.. sometimes after these long rides,
you find that it's your mind that takes a worst thrashing than your legs.
We rode past bus stops crammed with people
trying to escape the downpour,
and each of them regarded us with looks of amazement as we rode past.
i'm certain we weren't a pretty sight,
soaked to the bone,
panting and heaving like a pack of overweight dogs..
but as we rode by, i could nearly hear their thoughts,
"bunch of no-brainers trying to get themselves killed!?"
many people have asked why we put ourselves through such torture week after week.
waking up in the wee hours of the morning,
riding till we can barely walk,
occasionally exhausted to the point of unconsciousness..
it's because it keeps us alive.
it keeps us feeling.
it keeps us from falling into the clutches of repetitive continuity.
when you're out there on the road,
miles and miles away from home,
and with the rain slamming itself against your face,
it feels like nothing in the world matters..
and you learn to feel grateful that you're simply alive.
damn do i love playing in the rain.
somewhere along monkey trail i remember thinking to myself "damn these guys go alot faster than AAA"
as with each time i ride with them, i was humbled by t@
but to add insult to injury,
God decided we needed a bath..
water pelt down fiercely and dislodged my left lens, leaving me half blind..
it was awesome.
cos the thing about long rides is that you don't just take a physical beating.
somewhere between the burning quadriceps,
in a void between the crisp clicking of gear changes and
the temporary lull before sprinting uphill..
your mind begins to dissect itself.
while your physical body is lapping up the relief from work and stress,
your mind is free to wander where it likes..
it is free to journey back in time,
to possibilities in the future,
or to just stand completely still and survey it's surroundings.
i started finding myself reminiscing about the years gone by,
the ups and the downs,
the fasts and the slows,
the hurt and the love..
the past and now.
no.. sometimes after these long rides,
you find that it's your mind that takes a worst thrashing than your legs.
We rode past bus stops crammed with people
trying to escape the downpour,
and each of them regarded us with looks of amazement as we rode past.
i'm certain we weren't a pretty sight,
soaked to the bone,
panting and heaving like a pack of overweight dogs..
but as we rode by, i could nearly hear their thoughts,
"bunch of no-brainers trying to get themselves killed!?"
many people have asked why we put ourselves through such torture week after week.
waking up in the wee hours of the morning,
riding till we can barely walk,
occasionally exhausted to the point of unconsciousness..
it's because it keeps us alive.
it keeps us feeling.
it keeps us from falling into the clutches of repetitive continuity.
when you're out there on the road,
miles and miles away from home,
and with the rain slamming itself against your face,
it feels like nothing in the world matters..
and you learn to feel grateful that you're simply alive.
damn do i love playing in the rain.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
help.
there are very few things in life that really push me over the edge.
that succeed in driving me to my breaking point,
to the point where screaming just doesn't help anymore.
maybe it's the build up of stress,
maybe it's the onset of a $21,000 exam,
maybe it's the lack of sleep,
maybe it's the immense pressure to perform,
maybe it's when your confidence level just isn't breaking light speed
and your parents don't seem like they believe you can do it.
maybe it's simply the lack of somewhere to take off my burdens and hurt..
But all i know is that when i get pushed over that edge,
when i just can't hold my nose above the water anymore
it takes me so long to get back to the surface.
I can feel the rhythmic thud as my blood pounds in my ears.
my hands are quivering in exertion.
my mind is screaming for rest.
It feels like my wake boarding accident all over again.
i'm screaming for help, but nobody hears.
Maybe this really just is the stress getting to me.
help.
i'm sorry i just really can't be bothered to make words rhyme right now.
that succeed in driving me to my breaking point,
to the point where screaming just doesn't help anymore.
maybe it's the build up of stress,
maybe it's the onset of a $21,000 exam,
maybe it's the lack of sleep,
maybe it's the immense pressure to perform,
maybe it's when your confidence level just isn't breaking light speed
and your parents don't seem like they believe you can do it.
maybe it's simply the lack of somewhere to take off my burdens and hurt..
But all i know is that when i get pushed over that edge,
when i just can't hold my nose above the water anymore
it takes me so long to get back to the surface.
I can feel the rhythmic thud as my blood pounds in my ears.
my hands are quivering in exertion.
my mind is screaming for rest.
It feels like my wake boarding accident all over again.
i'm screaming for help, but nobody hears.
Maybe this really just is the stress getting to me.
help.
i'm sorry i just really can't be bothered to make words rhyme right now.
Monday, October 15, 2007
temporal bliss.
gravel and white lines blurred past below,
the wind violently tore and caught in every unlucky crease.
his legs begged for mercy,
screamed in agony.
but still he burned on.
the lust for speed was greater than the pain,
and adrenaline coursed through his veins as he danced with death.
all that could be heard was the calming whir of wheels,
softly serenaded by the morning chirps of waking fowl.
the sun broke free of the damp, sluggish clouds,
gently warming his numb hands.
it was a moment of rare inexplicable euphoria,
a feeling that could only be refined from pure passion.
he was in a place where worry and pain
fell away like droplets on a lily.
no, this was where nothing could harm him.
except maybe road rash.
the wind violently tore and caught in every unlucky crease.
his legs begged for mercy,
screamed in agony.
but still he burned on.
the lust for speed was greater than the pain,
and adrenaline coursed through his veins as he danced with death.
all that could be heard was the calming whir of wheels,
softly serenaded by the morning chirps of waking fowl.
the sun broke free of the damp, sluggish clouds,
gently warming his numb hands.
it was a moment of rare inexplicable euphoria,
a feeling that could only be refined from pure passion.
he was in a place where worry and pain
fell away like droplets on a lily.
no, this was where nothing could harm him.
except maybe road rash.
Friday, September 28, 2007
sweetest dreams.
sleep sweeps near softly,
sipping at the lake of dreams.
gliding, drifting gently.
roses and strawberries and creams.
i have dreamt dreams that could make the strongest brute cry,
swiftly surpassing the ghouls or nightmarish fingers that flail.
but sweeter, than the gentle whisper of lost lovers as evening draws nigh,
than any glee procured by cakes and ale.
in my dream, i looked upon the lost souls of mankind.
watching as they killed and slaughtered.
as children decayed in the dust, eating anything they could find.
who are these that fall like flies?
while the rest of humanity shake their heads, refusing to realise.
sipping at the lake of dreams.
gliding, drifting gently.
roses and strawberries and creams.
i have dreamt dreams that could make the strongest brute cry,
swiftly surpassing the ghouls or nightmarish fingers that flail.
but sweeter, than the gentle whisper of lost lovers as evening draws nigh,
than any glee procured by cakes and ale.
in my dream, i looked upon the lost souls of mankind.
watching as they killed and slaughtered.
as children decayed in the dust, eating anything they could find.
who are these that fall like flies?
while the rest of humanity shake their heads, refusing to realise.
Friday, September 14, 2007
photoframes.
two picture frames sit silently side by side.
moments of rare immutable joy, frozen in time, gaze curiously up at me.
both of them bringing back nauseating waves of timeless memories.
one beckons from ages past, of two young boys, barely 7.
best friends.
smitten together by boyish mischief and their thirst for adventure.
but it is more than just an old picture.
this old picture encapsulates childish innocence,
carelessness, purity..
all long gone.
oh how we used to dream of the day when we would be free of curfews,
free of naggy mothers (will we ever?).. how we longed to be free.
and then one day we were free. or so we thought..
in a hurry, we eagerly traded in our innocence, carelessness, purity
so that we could be adorned in garments of guilt,
to be knighted with the robes of worry,
to be crowned in sin..
a worthy trade indeed...
the other whispers from time unmemorable,
it seems a lifetime has passed since these photos were taken.
taken when life was a mystery, full of wonder and excitement,
daring me to unravel it's tapestry of colour.
now it seems i see through a veil of black and white,
and this little photo frame is the only thing left in colour.
such blazing colours..
that sometimes i find it necessary to hide it away,
before the ink smudges.
moments of rare immutable joy, frozen in time, gaze curiously up at me.
both of them bringing back nauseating waves of timeless memories.
one beckons from ages past, of two young boys, barely 7.
best friends.
smitten together by boyish mischief and their thirst for adventure.
but it is more than just an old picture.
this old picture encapsulates childish innocence,
carelessness, purity..
all long gone.
oh how we used to dream of the day when we would be free of curfews,
free of naggy mothers (will we ever?).. how we longed to be free.
and then one day we were free. or so we thought..
in a hurry, we eagerly traded in our innocence, carelessness, purity
so that we could be adorned in garments of guilt,
to be knighted with the robes of worry,
to be crowned in sin..
a worthy trade indeed...
the other whispers from time unmemorable,
it seems a lifetime has passed since these photos were taken.
taken when life was a mystery, full of wonder and excitement,
daring me to unravel it's tapestry of colour.
now it seems i see through a veil of black and white,
and this little photo frame is the only thing left in colour.
such blazing colours..
that sometimes i find it necessary to hide it away,
before the ink smudges.
Friday, August 17, 2007
my dreams mock at me.
my dreams mock at me.
when everything fades away each night,
they come to me.
ever taunting,
ever haunting.
in a place where my conscious mind holds no seat,
they show me everything i want to see,
the whispers of the things i long to hear,
brushing me with the feelings i ache to feel.
my dreams mock at me with a vengeance,
for tainting the purity of love.
when everything fades away each night,
they come to me.
ever taunting,
ever haunting.
in a place where my conscious mind holds no seat,
they show me everything i want to see,
the whispers of the things i long to hear,
brushing me with the feelings i ache to feel.
my dreams mock at me with a vengeance,
for tainting the purity of love.
Monday, August 13, 2007
it's the times when ...
it's the middle of the night.
i just spent the last 3 hours studying physics for a test i thought was tomorrow.
only to discover that it's been postponed till thursday.
sure you'd think "why're you complaining, now you can go to sleep and have more time to study for it.."
WRONG. now i have an econs drq and an econs commentary to do because i thought the physics was more important.
i know i said i don't use my blog to complain. but excuse me this once..
but in this little eye of the storm between me pacing around the room muttering to myself,
i've realised that it's the times like this, that make you.
that really make you who you are..
it's these times when you could turn off the light and go to sleep,
but you choose to stay up and finish your homework, that make a good student.
it's the times when you could avoid trouble by walking away,
but you step in to protect the weak, that make a friend.
it's the times when all you want to do is scream and take it out on everyone around you,
but you scream and cry your eyes out when nobody's around to get hurt, that make you a pillar of support.
it's the times when you could shut off the light and roll over to sleep,
but you stay up all night to console a torn heart, that make a lover.
it's the times when you want to turn and run as fast as you can,
but you stop and help, that make a hero.
it's the times when all common sense and the world screams at you to do something wrong,
but you choose to do right, that make a man.
i just spent the last 3 hours studying physics for a test i thought was tomorrow.
only to discover that it's been postponed till thursday.
sure you'd think "why're you complaining, now you can go to sleep and have more time to study for it.."
WRONG. now i have an econs drq and an econs commentary to do because i thought the physics was more important.
i know i said i don't use my blog to complain. but excuse me this once..
but in this little eye of the storm between me pacing around the room muttering to myself,
i've realised that it's the times like this, that make you.
that really make you who you are..
it's these times when you could turn off the light and go to sleep,
but you choose to stay up and finish your homework, that make a good student.
it's the times when you could avoid trouble by walking away,
but you step in to protect the weak, that make a friend.
it's the times when all you want to do is scream and take it out on everyone around you,
but you scream and cry your eyes out when nobody's around to get hurt, that make you a pillar of support.
it's the times when you could shut off the light and roll over to sleep,
but you stay up all night to console a torn heart, that make a lover.
it's the times when you want to turn and run as fast as you can,
but you stop and help, that make a hero.
it's the times when all common sense and the world screams at you to do something wrong,
but you choose to do right, that make a man.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
the mystery of the lost manhood.
ask any girl, well teenage girl i guess, what the first thing that comes to their mind is when you say the word "guys".
-dengdengdeng-
you'll probably get a lot of replies like
"jerks", "brainless", "inconsiderate", "incorrigible" .. and a whole array of imaginatively painful ways to dis the male gender.
and you know what's sad ? a lot of time these insults just bounce off our chest, we laugh them off and grin stupidly.
you know what's even worse ?
it's true.
to be completely honest, there are a lot of times that i'm embarrassed to be a guy.
don't get me wrong please. it's not that i'm looking for a sex change.
but honestly guys, let's face it, we're pretty discpicable creatures.
and we tend to do some pretty brainless things too.
BUT WHYYY !!?!?!?!
i've just begun reading this book called God's Gift To Women by Eric Ludy.
i'm about halfway through but it's really a very good book.
and if by some stroke of luck one of you out there reading this knows a friend of a friend of a relative of a friend who knows eric ludy it'll be fantastic if you could help me thank him. thanks. anyway in this book he talks about exactly this, "discovering the lost greatness of masculinity"
he talks of world changing men, history makers, men that stand up for the weak, men that shroud themselves in purity and fight for the truth.
even as you're reading this, it probably sounds far-fetched right ? you're probably thinking "ho ho this fella has seen one too many disney movies" and that goes to show exactly how far we've strayed away from our blueprints. that we find even the idea of it incredulous..
i don't think we were created to turn out like this..
enslaved into a life of faux identity.
it's a chameleon's life that's what i call it..
changing lifestyles and character traits instantly to blend with the surroundings.
after a while it's hard for even ourselves to know who really are.
really great great men have fast become a rarity.
sometimes it may take an entirely lifetime for us to ever encounter a true example of a, as Eric calls it, warrior poet.
remember the days of William Wallace? people who stood up to fight for freedom. a single man who refused to be ignored, not because he was fat and obnoxious, but because he believed so strongly in something that he would willingly give his life for what he believed in. now when was the last time we didn't give a damn how we looked like on the outside in order to defend something greater on the inside.. allowing ourselves to look less "cool" to save our soul ? it sounds stupid, but most of the time we'd choose to forgo anything rather than to risk appearing uncool.
anyway if you don't know what i'm talking about, go watch brave heart..
i've seen it reduce guys to tears. (yeah, horror of horrors, contrary to popular belief, there are still some guys left who have the ability to cry)
ok i know i'm rambling so i apologize for that. but it's just something that's been heavily impressed upon me this last week.
it's awakened something within me that desires, no, commands me to step out of the throng, and transform myself into something more. i don't know what it is yet.. but there's definitely something MUCH more.
-dengdengdeng-
you'll probably get a lot of replies like
"jerks", "brainless", "inconsiderate", "incorrigible" .. and a whole array of imaginatively painful ways to dis the male gender.
and you know what's sad ? a lot of time these insults just bounce off our chest, we laugh them off and grin stupidly.
you know what's even worse ?
it's true.
to be completely honest, there are a lot of times that i'm embarrassed to be a guy.
don't get me wrong please. it's not that i'm looking for a sex change.
but honestly guys, let's face it, we're pretty discpicable creatures.
and we tend to do some pretty brainless things too.
BUT WHYYY !!?!?!?!
i've just begun reading this book called God's Gift To Women by Eric Ludy.
i'm about halfway through but it's really a very good book.
and if by some stroke of luck one of you out there reading this knows a friend of a friend of a relative of a friend who knows eric ludy it'll be fantastic if you could help me thank him. thanks. anyway in this book he talks about exactly this, "discovering the lost greatness of masculinity"
he talks of world changing men, history makers, men that stand up for the weak, men that shroud themselves in purity and fight for the truth.
even as you're reading this, it probably sounds far-fetched right ? you're probably thinking "ho ho this fella has seen one too many disney movies" and that goes to show exactly how far we've strayed away from our blueprints. that we find even the idea of it incredulous..
i don't think we were created to turn out like this..
enslaved into a life of faux identity.
it's a chameleon's life that's what i call it..
changing lifestyles and character traits instantly to blend with the surroundings.
after a while it's hard for even ourselves to know who really are.
really great great men have fast become a rarity.
sometimes it may take an entirely lifetime for us to ever encounter a true example of a, as Eric calls it, warrior poet.
remember the days of William Wallace? people who stood up to fight for freedom. a single man who refused to be ignored, not because he was fat and obnoxious, but because he believed so strongly in something that he would willingly give his life for what he believed in. now when was the last time we didn't give a damn how we looked like on the outside in order to defend something greater on the inside.. allowing ourselves to look less "cool" to save our soul ? it sounds stupid, but most of the time we'd choose to forgo anything rather than to risk appearing uncool.
anyway if you don't know what i'm talking about, go watch brave heart..
i've seen it reduce guys to tears. (yeah, horror of horrors, contrary to popular belief, there are still some guys left who have the ability to cry)
ok i know i'm rambling so i apologize for that. but it's just something that's been heavily impressed upon me this last week.
it's awakened something within me that desires, no, commands me to step out of the throng, and transform myself into something more. i don't know what it is yet.. but there's definitely something MUCH more.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
drinking.
it's amazing how a bit of alcohol can reduce the most respectable people to blabbering idiots.
and then it's even more amazing how after they've puked and felt like shit and ended up lying on the roadside,
they do it again. not that i'm being all high and mighty and looking down on such people. cos i'm not exempt from this kind of behaviour.
and some of my closest friends are as such.
but it doesnt stop me from questioning it anyway.
and i figured it's because everyone needs some way to keep their sanity intact.
as cliche as that is..
drinking to keep your sanity. haha. not funny.
what is it about the dark side of the walkway that appeals and calls out to all of us.
what is it about the dark side of the walkway that can tempt people to throw their lives down the drink. literally.
i really don't know, but i know i'm not exempt from it, and i know it's not going to stop anytime soon.
if ever.
but for those of you who've managed to stay and walk the straight and narrow path.
i take my hat off to you. it's not easy. and i would know..
and i dont' really know what i'm typing at the moment so i'm sorry if i disappointed any of you.
i'm not thinking very straight.
but i know that there's nothing as fulfilling as walking on the straight and narrow path.
it's hard as hell, but there's no drink, or drug or ANYTHING in the world that can equal the feeling of knowing that you're resisting a whole truck load of temptation that's just waiting eagerly to swallow you up.
i'm gonna get my life back on track. i need to.
there's really nothing in this world that gives you the same feeling as knowing that you're walking in the light.
if you haven't yet. don't give it up.
if you have, then this post is for you.
and then it's even more amazing how after they've puked and felt like shit and ended up lying on the roadside,
they do it again. not that i'm being all high and mighty and looking down on such people. cos i'm not exempt from this kind of behaviour.
and some of my closest friends are as such.
but it doesnt stop me from questioning it anyway.
and i figured it's because everyone needs some way to keep their sanity intact.
as cliche as that is..
drinking to keep your sanity. haha. not funny.
what is it about the dark side of the walkway that appeals and calls out to all of us.
what is it about the dark side of the walkway that can tempt people to throw their lives down the drink. literally.
i really don't know, but i know i'm not exempt from it, and i know it's not going to stop anytime soon.
if ever.
but for those of you who've managed to stay and walk the straight and narrow path.
i take my hat off to you. it's not easy. and i would know..
and i dont' really know what i'm typing at the moment so i'm sorry if i disappointed any of you.
i'm not thinking very straight.
but i know that there's nothing as fulfilling as walking on the straight and narrow path.
it's hard as hell, but there's no drink, or drug or ANYTHING in the world that can equal the feeling of knowing that you're resisting a whole truck load of temptation that's just waiting eagerly to swallow you up.
i'm gonna get my life back on track. i need to.
there's really nothing in this world that gives you the same feeling as knowing that you're walking in the light.
if you haven't yet. don't give it up.
if you have, then this post is for you.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
a moment in time. just a moment.
i sit on my window sill every night.
peering at the stars peering down at me from their lofty places
watching at an occasional glint of sliver taking flight
filled with people of different races..
different people from different places
leaving on a little plane away from this little speck i call home.
and i think of all the different reasons that they're on that plane
holidays, business, people flying home to for the funerals of loved ones perhaps.
so many different lives encased in a flying metal box with no way out.
and yet so oblivious to each others pain and tribulations.
so oblivious and uncaring about the lives that sleep and murmur about them.
and then i think of how everyday we are surrounded by people who come from such diverse backgrounds,
all at different stages of life all going through various amounts of hurt and suffering.
i think of how we're all encased on this world with no way out,
and yet we're so oblivious and uncaring to the lives that surround us everyday.
it's a strange feeling when i think about how small and insignificant i am when compared to the massive amounts of people on this earth..
and then i think of how much i whine and complain about my tribulations.
and i'm immediately silenced when i think of how small and insignificant my problems are when compared to the hurt that churns and froths in the rest of the world.
what would it be like if i could just hit a pause button for a second.
to just quell the world from the incessant rush to get somewhere else,
to feel the world pause for just a second,
a moment when the whole world is silent,
arguments hanging in mid sentence,
bullets hanging in mid air,
even death will stop for that golden moment.
what would it be like to feel the entire world at perfect peace for just a moment.
world peace? haha. far more than just a model answer..
but that's probably all it'll ever be.. a model answer.
i think i should probably get off my window sill now before i start thinking i can fly.
peering at the stars peering down at me from their lofty places
watching at an occasional glint of sliver taking flight
filled with people of different races..
different people from different places
leaving on a little plane away from this little speck i call home.
and i think of all the different reasons that they're on that plane
holidays, business, people flying home to for the funerals of loved ones perhaps.
so many different lives encased in a flying metal box with no way out.
and yet so oblivious to each others pain and tribulations.
so oblivious and uncaring about the lives that sleep and murmur about them.
and then i think of how everyday we are surrounded by people who come from such diverse backgrounds,
all at different stages of life all going through various amounts of hurt and suffering.
i think of how we're all encased on this world with no way out,
and yet we're so oblivious and uncaring to the lives that surround us everyday.
it's a strange feeling when i think about how small and insignificant i am when compared to the massive amounts of people on this earth..
and then i think of how much i whine and complain about my tribulations.
and i'm immediately silenced when i think of how small and insignificant my problems are when compared to the hurt that churns and froths in the rest of the world.
what would it be like if i could just hit a pause button for a second.
to just quell the world from the incessant rush to get somewhere else,
to feel the world pause for just a second,
a moment when the whole world is silent,
arguments hanging in mid sentence,
bullets hanging in mid air,
even death will stop for that golden moment.
what would it be like to feel the entire world at perfect peace for just a moment.
world peace? haha. far more than just a model answer..
but that's probably all it'll ever be.. a model answer.
i think i should probably get off my window sill now before i start thinking i can fly.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
the innocence of a child.
haven't you always looked forward to your birthday?
i know i have.. counting down the weeks, days and hours before that fateful day.
somehow i've always been so eager to grow up.
i remember how as a child i used to be so excited when my shoe size got bigger,
because it meant that i was getting older. comparing my shoe size to my elder brother's to see how many more inches i had to go. (occasionally wearing shoes that were too big for me)
and nothing much changes as we grow older. i'm looking forward to the day i can drive, a sense of independence, not needing to listen to mummy or daddy anymore..
and now as i'm sitting here in my room thinking, the truth is that i actually am much older.
constantly with something serious at hand, deadlines for homework, parties to attend, political battles to avoid, lunch appointments to keep etc..
but then i look at the children playing on the street outside my window, and i remember how it all used to be.. how the most serious thing i could question was why dad always made me nap in the afternoons after lunch !
i remember how i played with shadows on the wall with the torchlight i'd take out from under my bed after i was "asleep".
how i used to sneak out of my bed at night to sleep in my parents room or how i used to hate taking showers cos they only served to waste precious time that could be spent fortifying my lego castle. i remember going through the phase when i felt embarrassed that there was lion king on my bookshelf when my friends came over, and so i filled my bookshelf with these complex sounding books that i really had no clue was about.
now i'm sitting here, and marveling at the loss of childhood innocence, and the wonder of how happy and contented i used to be with everything, with life in general.
without the need to care much for 1500 word history essays due the next day, whether my hair was sitting just right or other vapid stuff like that.
has it been that in my rush to grow up, that i neglected, and threw away precious childhood experiences like an old toy. now i wish i hadn't been so eager to grow up so fast.
oh the innocence of a child.
i know i have.. counting down the weeks, days and hours before that fateful day.
somehow i've always been so eager to grow up.
i remember how as a child i used to be so excited when my shoe size got bigger,
because it meant that i was getting older. comparing my shoe size to my elder brother's to see how many more inches i had to go. (occasionally wearing shoes that were too big for me)
and nothing much changes as we grow older. i'm looking forward to the day i can drive, a sense of independence, not needing to listen to mummy or daddy anymore..
and now as i'm sitting here in my room thinking, the truth is that i actually am much older.
constantly with something serious at hand, deadlines for homework, parties to attend, political battles to avoid, lunch appointments to keep etc..
but then i look at the children playing on the street outside my window, and i remember how it all used to be.. how the most serious thing i could question was why dad always made me nap in the afternoons after lunch !
i remember how i played with shadows on the wall with the torchlight i'd take out from under my bed after i was "asleep".
how i used to sneak out of my bed at night to sleep in my parents room or how i used to hate taking showers cos they only served to waste precious time that could be spent fortifying my lego castle. i remember going through the phase when i felt embarrassed that there was lion king on my bookshelf when my friends came over, and so i filled my bookshelf with these complex sounding books that i really had no clue was about.
now i'm sitting here, and marveling at the loss of childhood innocence, and the wonder of how happy and contented i used to be with everything, with life in general.
without the need to care much for 1500 word history essays due the next day, whether my hair was sitting just right or other vapid stuff like that.
has it been that in my rush to grow up, that i neglected, and threw away precious childhood experiences like an old toy. now i wish i hadn't been so eager to grow up so fast.
oh the innocence of a child.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
strange writings.
i feel compelled to write today,
though i must confide in you that i have no inspiration to write today.
it is strange how i can feel compelled, yet have no inspiration.
i guess if i think about it, it's not so strange anymore.
we are compelled to do a lot of things, and yet feel no inspiration.
i will continue to share my inner most feelings with billions upon billions of
strangers whom i don't and will probably never know. ( i like to assume that there are billions upon billions of people who read my page )
there's something you should know.
every time i blog, it isn't for me to ramble about my troubles.
every time i open this page, it is another attempt for me to share my thoughts with the world,
and if at the end of these 5-10 minutes, you're left thinking a little more into your life, then i have accomplished far more than i have for the rest of these 23 hours and 45 minutes today.
im sure most of you would have heard about the death of thaddeus. it's always this kind of news that always hits me the hardest. i always think of death as something i'll worry about in say 60 years time. definitely not now anyway. but thaddeus is my age. was. and now he's gone. and though i didn't know him, it's really hard for me to grasp. it could easily have been me. and from what little i know of him, he and i live very similar lifestyles, the triathlon that he was training for is the very same one that i am training for right now. and we're both in J1 and all, but okay that's not the point here.
because and then i realised that thaddeus could have very well lived a much fuller life in 17 years, than many people do in 80. just how many people can lie on their death bed, look back on their whole life and smile, a wholly contented smile? how many people actually live a life that isn't wasted chasing and chasing, and simply chasing and never catching. we watch a whole lot of shows where everyone is in a trance-like obsession to find the holy grail, which supposedly promises eternal life to the drinker of the grail. now everytime i read these books, or watch these movies i always wonder: now who on earth would want to live forever!? to have a longer time to chase? i know i certainly don't.
i always thought it was funny how kids and teenagers longed to be older, and adults longed to just be younger. in short, everyone sort of wants to be what they're not. when was the last time i felt completely satisfied with exactly where i was? i'm not sure. we're constantly looking forward to our next goal, chasing these results, girls/guys, positions, better-paying jobs, popularity.. chasing things that aren't ever going to satisfy us in the long run. from the second we're born, we get hurled head first (literally) into the rat race, which is our life, all the way until we land smack on our ass and find that at the end of the race, we're still a rat. yay let's all give ourselves a firm pat on our back.
just what are we doing? seriously.
though i must confide in you that i have no inspiration to write today.
it is strange how i can feel compelled, yet have no inspiration.
i guess if i think about it, it's not so strange anymore.
we are compelled to do a lot of things, and yet feel no inspiration.
i will continue to share my inner most feelings with billions upon billions of
strangers whom i don't and will probably never know. ( i like to assume that there are billions upon billions of people who read my page )
there's something you should know.
every time i blog, it isn't for me to ramble about my troubles.
every time i open this page, it is another attempt for me to share my thoughts with the world,
and if at the end of these 5-10 minutes, you're left thinking a little more into your life, then i have accomplished far more than i have for the rest of these 23 hours and 45 minutes today.
im sure most of you would have heard about the death of thaddeus. it's always this kind of news that always hits me the hardest. i always think of death as something i'll worry about in say 60 years time. definitely not now anyway. but thaddeus is my age. was. and now he's gone. and though i didn't know him, it's really hard for me to grasp. it could easily have been me. and from what little i know of him, he and i live very similar lifestyles, the triathlon that he was training for is the very same one that i am training for right now. and we're both in J1 and all, but okay that's not the point here.
because and then i realised that thaddeus could have very well lived a much fuller life in 17 years, than many people do in 80. just how many people can lie on their death bed, look back on their whole life and smile, a wholly contented smile? how many people actually live a life that isn't wasted chasing and chasing, and simply chasing and never catching. we watch a whole lot of shows where everyone is in a trance-like obsession to find the holy grail, which supposedly promises eternal life to the drinker of the grail. now everytime i read these books, or watch these movies i always wonder: now who on earth would want to live forever!? to have a longer time to chase? i know i certainly don't.
i always thought it was funny how kids and teenagers longed to be older, and adults longed to just be younger. in short, everyone sort of wants to be what they're not. when was the last time i felt completely satisfied with exactly where i was? i'm not sure. we're constantly looking forward to our next goal, chasing these results, girls/guys, positions, better-paying jobs, popularity.. chasing things that aren't ever going to satisfy us in the long run. from the second we're born, we get hurled head first (literally) into the rat race, which is our life, all the way until we land smack on our ass and find that at the end of the race, we're still a rat. yay let's all give ourselves a firm pat on our back.
just what are we doing? seriously.
Monday, April 30, 2007
apathy.
so has life really suddenly lost all meaning ?
or have we as mere human beings lost our own meaning to live.
i look around, and all i see is people falling deeper into apathy.
ap·a·thy [ap-uh-thee] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun, plural -thies.
1. absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement.
2. lack of interest in or concern for things that others find moving or exciting.
3. Also, ap·a·thei·a, ap·a·thi·a [ap-uh-thee-uh] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation. Stoicism. freedom from emotion of any kind.
lack of interest in or concern for things that others find moving or exciting.. sound familiar ?
i like no.3 "freedom from emotion of any kind" as if emotion were a sort of plague or disease.
how do we, we being the large majority of my 16/17 year old friends, adolescents (for boys as mr lenn would correct me), suddenly lose all will to live on ?
the same people who used to be bubbling with life, eager to explore life's mysteries, greedy for reckless adventure, suddenly deteriorate into this current state.
when suddenly life loses it's mystery and wonder. the games we used to find so enthralling suddenly bore us, seem childish and a waste of time. a waste of our valuable time! a time that could be used to .. hmm. i'll have to get back to you on that one...
when the harmless fun and thrill we used to derive from flirting and the mysteries of relationships (that nobody has yet unraveled) turns to pain hurt and bad memories..
when school or work just seems to consume you, head, feet, heart and soul. when one day seems to weld itself to the following day and it gets hard to figure out whether it's night or morning, monday or thursday.
when everyday day is just another day to count down to the weekend, or the holidays. and when the weekend and holidays finally DO come, they never last long enough. and suddenly it's over, and we're left trying to remember how we'd spent the long awaited holidays, just to wake up to find ourselves sitting in the middle of an econs test. yum.
there's no way that we're going to survive like this much longer.. no.
i reckon we'll all find our own little ways to combat life's meaninglessness.
some will probably take up some extreme sport, others will migrate, only to find that it's the same anywhere in the world, others will end up behind bars in their pursuit of meaning, others will get married (heh)...
and hopefully some will find God i suppose.
or have we as mere human beings lost our own meaning to live.
i look around, and all i see is people falling deeper into apathy.
ap·a·thy [ap-uh-thee] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun, plural -thies.
1. absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement.
2. lack of interest in or concern for things that others find moving or exciting.
3. Also, ap·a·thei·a, ap·a·thi·a [ap-uh-thee-uh] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation. Stoicism. freedom from emotion of any kind.
lack of interest in or concern for things that others find moving or exciting.. sound familiar ?
i like no.3 "freedom from emotion of any kind" as if emotion were a sort of plague or disease.
how do we, we being the large majority of my 16/17 year old friends, adolescents (for boys as mr lenn would correct me), suddenly lose all will to live on ?
the same people who used to be bubbling with life, eager to explore life's mysteries, greedy for reckless adventure, suddenly deteriorate into this current state.
when suddenly life loses it's mystery and wonder. the games we used to find so enthralling suddenly bore us, seem childish and a waste of time. a waste of our valuable time! a time that could be used to .. hmm. i'll have to get back to you on that one...
when the harmless fun and thrill we used to derive from flirting and the mysteries of relationships (that nobody has yet unraveled) turns to pain hurt and bad memories..
when school or work just seems to consume you, head, feet, heart and soul. when one day seems to weld itself to the following day and it gets hard to figure out whether it's night or morning, monday or thursday.
when everyday day is just another day to count down to the weekend, or the holidays. and when the weekend and holidays finally DO come, they never last long enough. and suddenly it's over, and we're left trying to remember how we'd spent the long awaited holidays, just to wake up to find ourselves sitting in the middle of an econs test. yum.
there's no way that we're going to survive like this much longer.. no.
i reckon we'll all find our own little ways to combat life's meaninglessness.
some will probably take up some extreme sport, others will migrate, only to find that it's the same anywhere in the world, others will end up behind bars in their pursuit of meaning, others will get married (heh)...
and hopefully some will find God i suppose.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
moving on ..
"And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through"
we've just gotta move along i guess, or we stagnate and breed mosquitoes and shit.
even when all your hope is gone ? you've still gotta move along.
there aint no such thing as sitting around and watching the world go by.
all of life is a constant fluid movement
always changing, direction or speed.
sometimes it slows down, coming nearly to a stop,
only to whip us away again into the never ending abyss of colours.
no, there's no stopping this movement.
like the smell of flowers, diffuse and pervades our senses,
bringing back memories of old,
it keeps moving, keeps drifting ..
until there is nothing left at all,
the scent fades with the sunset,
though the memories linger on in haunting whisper.
Move along, move along just to make it through"
we've just gotta move along i guess, or we stagnate and breed mosquitoes and shit.
even when all your hope is gone ? you've still gotta move along.
there aint no such thing as sitting around and watching the world go by.
all of life is a constant fluid movement
always changing, direction or speed.
sometimes it slows down, coming nearly to a stop,
only to whip us away again into the never ending abyss of colours.
no, there's no stopping this movement.
like the smell of flowers, diffuse and pervades our senses,
bringing back memories of old,
it keeps moving, keeps drifting ..
until there is nothing left at all,
the scent fades with the sunset,
though the memories linger on in haunting whisper.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
the look in your eyes.
i can't look into your eyes anymore.
it's not that i don't want to look at you anymore.
it's just that every time i look back into your eyes
memories breach the flood gates
and tears threaten to make a scene.
i think of all the times when i would gaze into those eyes
during a time when the distance between us was not so vast.
i think of how i'd sneak around at night just to call you
and how you'd fall asleep in mid sentence.
i think of all the pain i caused you
all the lies i told you
and how you always deserved so much more than me
but how you always thought i deserved better. nonsense.
every now and then i return to our hill
where we used to sit and talk for hours on end
till the sun had set and the dogs had all gone home
and my mum began calling to find out where i was
every 14th i still think of all the things we used to do
how on one cold morning we sat on the curb with coffee and ants
or the concise timing between the maid and the tuition teacher.
i wonder if you still remember what i remember ..
yeah all that does go through my head in that one split second that our gaze meets.
it sears like a hot coal on cold flesh.
it jolts the memory bank like a branding iron.
i dont know what happened.
it's as if i got hit by a huge wave,
and now im just floating in the aftermath in a complete daze
waiting for someone to come and save me.
i miss you.
a hell lot.
and that's why i can't look into your eyes anymore.
it's not that i don't want to look at you anymore.
it's just that every time i look back into your eyes
memories breach the flood gates
and tears threaten to make a scene.
i think of all the times when i would gaze into those eyes
during a time when the distance between us was not so vast.
i think of how i'd sneak around at night just to call you
and how you'd fall asleep in mid sentence.
i think of all the pain i caused you
all the lies i told you
and how you always deserved so much more than me
but how you always thought i deserved better. nonsense.
every now and then i return to our hill
where we used to sit and talk for hours on end
till the sun had set and the dogs had all gone home
and my mum began calling to find out where i was
every 14th i still think of all the things we used to do
how on one cold morning we sat on the curb with coffee and ants
or the concise timing between the maid and the tuition teacher.
i wonder if you still remember what i remember ..
yeah all that does go through my head in that one split second that our gaze meets.
it sears like a hot coal on cold flesh.
it jolts the memory bank like a branding iron.
i dont know what happened.
it's as if i got hit by a huge wave,
and now im just floating in the aftermath in a complete daze
waiting for someone to come and save me.
i miss you.
a hell lot.
and that's why i can't look into your eyes anymore.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
14th march.
happy 14th of march.
happy birthday.
once upon a time it was happy hipo day.
how did i lose that.
how did it end.
how did i lose everything.
happy birthday.
once upon a time it was happy hipo day.
how did i lose that.
how did it end.
how did i lose everything.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
A Dream within a Dream
A Dream within a Dream
Take this kiss upon thy brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow—
You are not wrong, to deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.
I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand—
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep—while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?
Take this kiss upon thy brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow—
You are not wrong, to deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.
I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand—
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep—while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?
Saturday, March 10, 2007
march holidays 2007
FINALLY. the damn march holidays are here.
i've been so excited during the last 3 days in anticipation of the march holidays.
if you've been reading my scarce blog entries, you'll know that im pretty, well. everything's just really messed up.
it's been a really weird first 3 months of 2007.
like really. really weird.
i dont even have one word to describe it.
you know how i tend to summarise certain periods of time using a single descriptive word.
well.. i can't.
there's : interesting, painful, different .. ok so maybe there aren't so many words, but i can't really think now.
it's been an emotional roller coaster. not to say that i've gotten off this roller coaster yet..
but yes, 2007 has started on a bit of a sharp note. it's a bit out of tune. the frequency just isn't right..
anyway. enough puns. i'm tired. and so i'm gonna go enjoy my first sleep of the march hols. i can wake up and go running tomorrow morning. whoopeee.
goodnight !
i've been so excited during the last 3 days in anticipation of the march holidays.
if you've been reading my scarce blog entries, you'll know that im pretty, well. everything's just really messed up.
it's been a really weird first 3 months of 2007.
like really. really weird.
i dont even have one word to describe it.
you know how i tend to summarise certain periods of time using a single descriptive word.
well.. i can't.
there's : interesting, painful, different .. ok so maybe there aren't so many words, but i can't really think now.
it's been an emotional roller coaster. not to say that i've gotten off this roller coaster yet..
but yes, 2007 has started on a bit of a sharp note. it's a bit out of tune. the frequency just isn't right..
anyway. enough puns. i'm tired. and so i'm gonna go enjoy my first sleep of the march hols. i can wake up and go running tomorrow morning. whoopeee.
goodnight !
Monday, March 05, 2007
Friday, March 02, 2007
what a day by the sea side
whoa. what a day by the seaside indeed.
today would be one of the top few in my eventful days of my life.. haha that's never good.
let me recount the entire story here..
it started like this, last night, nat asked me to go wakeboarding in the morning..
so at first i was like.. ugh oh man. i cant. i've got school ! but then.. i remembered that it was friday today.
school on fridays are really quite a waste of time, i have 6 out of 8 periods free !!
so i think to myself ... hMM! i can go for the two classes, then leave !
already illegal... but not so bad.
so anyway i wake up with a bounce this morning, then i went to school, spent the first two periods finishing up econs homework while the rest played cards.
and then oh-my-goodness i realide that my two periods of class end too late to go wakeboarding ! so the bad boy in me goes: aiyah ! nevermind la.. dont shake your head at me !! im sure you know what it's like..
here's where it starts .. so it just so happens that a few teachers had gone out for a while to do dunno what.. and i walked straight into them on the way out. not good. i turned on my heel and walked in the other direction.
the worst part ? my history teacher was among them. i was skipping history. not good.
then i just ran off and cabbed to nat's place, picked her and her sister up, then went to east coast park..
half way to east coast, i get a message saying, "ronsmith saw you leaving school. you're dead meat." oh mamamia. definitely not good..
so anyway.. i went to wakeboard.
wakeboarding was fun of course .. first time cable skiing !
so anyway.. me being me. tried to do some trick.,
me being me didnt do the trick properly..
me being me.. accident prone man that i am, got flung face forward, flew a bit(i think) got planted in the water face first, and my legs snapped forward and the board smacked me right in the back of my head (a little to the right)
and cos i was face forward and the board still on my feet, i was lying face down in the water.. managed to struggle right way up, kicked the board off. and felt my head.
i looked at my hand praying there wouldnt be blood. but there was blood running down my arm already. whoa mama.
so i shouted HELPP !! nothing .. i peered towards the control station. nothing..
HELP ! finally i see some movement. a jet ski flew over, and some dude ran over as i tried to clamber out of the lake, one hand still on my head, blood still flowing down my arm.
then i walked back to the control station, and some dude helped me wash it and put a nice bandage around my head. looked really sexy man.. he said it wasnt that bad. just a small cut, but cos it was on my head so there's a lot of blood.. so i was like okay. haha. then we (me, nat, mel and lester) cabbed to the nearest hospital, East Shore Hospital.
so yeah the doctors were all like. ok la it's not so bad. small cut only. go get an x ray. hmmm.
so i waited.. and waited.. and waited.. then got an xray !
then i waited.. and waited.. and waited. and me and nat just sat around for an hour talking. which was quite fun actually. haha. then finally went to get my stitches. and my sister left work and came down. thanks lea !
and then like nat was saying stuff like. i dont see why you need stitches ! it's so small ! haha. but she was really nice and comforting. she looked like she was suffering more than me. haha.
and then after it gets all stitched up. nat goes.. ok i lied. it's actually really quite bad. haha. everyone lied to me ! saying it was nothing much and all. haha but thanks everyone (: i felt so loved. haha if you want a more pictorial and less reading summary. go to http://www.xanga.com/nattaratatat haha.
thanks especially to nat and lea (:
and me ? dont worry (if you were) im fine. i always will be. haha
Thursday, March 01, 2007
founders day !
today i shall attempt to blog in french. so sorry if you dont understand. but it's fun. haha.
aujourd'hui est s'effond le jour.
joyeux anniversaire acs !
je devine que je vais passer douze ans de ma vie dans les acs
tout à fait frais je devine
ok ok i've had enough. i doubt that's even correct. haha..
anyways.. i just got home from town, went to watch rocky balboa with some people from my school. not a bad show actually.. sylvester stalone is bloody fit for a 60 year old.
i reckon he'd probably destroy me with his pinky..
school again tomorrow, going wakeboarding hopefully. whoohoo. i love wakeboarding. it's one of my escapes from the madness that is this world.
it's terrific.
the rush is just.. lovely. it shakes my long dead senses back to life.
to feel so free and liberated.. it's the one thing that's keeping me sane now.
too bad it leaves you more or less bed ridden and aching like a fool for the next few days. haha but it's well worth every bit of ache.
i love it.
so anyway ! happy birthday acs ! au revoir !
aujourd'hui est s'effond le jour.
joyeux anniversaire acs !
je devine que je vais passer douze ans de ma vie dans les acs
tout à fait frais je devine
ok ok i've had enough. i doubt that's even correct. haha..
anyways.. i just got home from town, went to watch rocky balboa with some people from my school. not a bad show actually.. sylvester stalone is bloody fit for a 60 year old.
i reckon he'd probably destroy me with his pinky..
school again tomorrow, going wakeboarding hopefully. whoohoo. i love wakeboarding. it's one of my escapes from the madness that is this world.
it's terrific.
the rush is just.. lovely. it shakes my long dead senses back to life.
to feel so free and liberated.. it's the one thing that's keeping me sane now.
too bad it leaves you more or less bed ridden and aching like a fool for the next few days. haha but it's well worth every bit of ache.
i love it.
so anyway ! happy birthday acs ! au revoir !
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
tired.
bleah.. it's the 27th of february...
not even the 3rd month of school already..and i'm already dying
life's become so lifeless. a cycle, definitely not of life..
everyday, i wake up, rush to school, struggle through classes, struggle more
get home when the sky's getting dark, fall asleep before i can hit the shower
get woken up by the intercom ringing, stumble downstairs for dinner, still half asleep of course..
stumble back up to my room, slog through piles of reading material and essays.
fall asleep studying..wake up again, totally disoriented, carry on studying..
sleep WAY too late.. then we're back to waking up and rushing again..
it's terrific.
i really dont know how long im gonna be able to last like this..it's not even funny anymore.
this kind of lifestyle is just sucking whatever little life there is left out of me
im so tired !!
i shouldn't even be blogging.
i dont know what im doing.. i'd better go..
seeyou guys.. hope you guys are having more fun than me !!
not even the 3rd month of school already..and i'm already dying
life's become so lifeless. a cycle, definitely not of life..
everyday, i wake up, rush to school, struggle through classes, struggle more
get home when the sky's getting dark, fall asleep before i can hit the shower
get woken up by the intercom ringing, stumble downstairs for dinner, still half asleep of course..
stumble back up to my room, slog through piles of reading material and essays.
fall asleep studying..wake up again, totally disoriented, carry on studying..
sleep WAY too late.. then we're back to waking up and rushing again..
it's terrific.
i really dont know how long im gonna be able to last like this..it's not even funny anymore.
this kind of lifestyle is just sucking whatever little life there is left out of me
im so tired !!
i shouldn't even be blogging.
i dont know what im doing.. i'd better go..
seeyou guys.. hope you guys are having more fun than me !!
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
the painful newness of it all.
newness.
freshness.
purity.
cleanliness.
a fresh start.
aren't those supposed to be positive words?
your new clothes.
new shoes.
new school.
new phone.
new friends.
new classmates.
new teachers.
im just part of the old.
old things get thrown out.
in loving memory of St. Valentine. happy valentines day.
freshness.
purity.
cleanliness.
a fresh start.
aren't those supposed to be positive words?
your new clothes.
new shoes.
new school.
new phone.
new friends.
new classmates.
new teachers.
im just part of the old.
old things get thrown out.
in loving memory of St. Valentine. happy valentines day.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
why
why do all good things come to an end?
fire to dust.
lovers to friends.
why do all good things come to an end?
fire to dust.
lovers to friends.
why do all good things come to an end?
Thursday, January 18, 2007
rambles.
i dunno why in the world im doing this so you cant see it.
i guess it's a bit like how i feel right now.
like i want so badly to tell someone everything
but yet at the same time i dont.
it's seriously screwed up.
i've never felt so damn alone in my entire life.
i've sat on mountain tops by myself and watched sunsets
i've sat on beaches by myself watching sunrises
i've lied alone in the cold watching the most beautiful stars stare back at me.
but this loneliness that i feel now is.
way beyond all that.
and the saddest part is that i know i brought it upon myself.
that i was the only bugger who screwed the whole thing up.
everything.
sigh.. if you're actually reading this.
i hope you're doing a hell lot better than i am.
i guess it's a bit like how i feel right now.
like i want so badly to tell someone everything
but yet at the same time i dont.
it's seriously screwed up.
i've never felt so damn alone in my entire life.
i've sat on mountain tops by myself and watched sunsets
i've sat on beaches by myself watching sunrises
i've lied alone in the cold watching the most beautiful stars stare back at me.
but this loneliness that i feel now is.
way beyond all that.
and the saddest part is that i know i brought it upon myself.
that i was the only bugger who screwed the whole thing up.
everything.
sigh.. if you're actually reading this.
i hope you're doing a hell lot better than i am.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
im done.
A stony silence closed in on the house,
punctuated by the stentorian breathing,
which appeared to me the creaking of hinges of a prison gate,
opening at the command of a soul going into freedom.
i wish.
punctuated by the stentorian breathing,
which appeared to me the creaking of hinges of a prison gate,
opening at the command of a soul going into freedom.
i wish.
.
there are no more surprises and shocks in life,
so that i watch the flame without agitation.
For me the greatest reality is this and nothing else...
Nothing else will worry or interest me in life hereafter.
so that i watch the flame without agitation.
For me the greatest reality is this and nothing else...
Nothing else will worry or interest me in life hereafter.
2007
first post of 2007. i cant be bothered to change my font size or colour or font type or alignment.or press enter, or do paragraphing.so read on only if you really want.hello everyone! for some strange reason my tagboard came back to life and so i decided maybe it was a sign to start sharing bits of my thoughts on the wildwildweb again..so anyway.this is the first post of the year 2007. (pause)
well i entered 2007 filled with so much controversy. so much pain and hurt and anger and frustration and feeling very lost. i spent christmas with my mum shouting at me over the phone. i spent the transistion to the new year in doubt and fear.. (pregnant pause)
three and half weeks later? hmm. nothing's changed. it's probably gotten worse if anything.
oh well! too all of you. or to nobody.. depending on whether or not anybody's actually reading this.. dont worry. im not gonna go kill myself or anything. although im sure some people would be quite glad if i did! sorry guys. i dont think i will just yet.
haha. i'd love to see the looks on your faces at this moment.
anyway. have a great year friends. miss you guys.. ok not all of you guys..
well i entered 2007 filled with so much controversy. so much pain and hurt and anger and frustration and feeling very lost. i spent christmas with my mum shouting at me over the phone. i spent the transistion to the new year in doubt and fear.. (pregnant pause)
three and half weeks later? hmm. nothing's changed. it's probably gotten worse if anything.
oh well! too all of you. or to nobody.. depending on whether or not anybody's actually reading this.. dont worry. im not gonna go kill myself or anything. although im sure some people would be quite glad if i did! sorry guys. i dont think i will just yet.
haha. i'd love to see the looks on your faces at this moment.
anyway. have a great year friends. miss you guys.. ok not all of you guys..
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